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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Genesis 1 – LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem. . . .

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

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From the Wittenburg Door

Crucial Government Terrorism Advice: While Absorbing Radiation With Your Crotch, Think About Your New Tattoo

04/03/2008
By Jamie Crossan

The Department of Homeland Security has a new website, www.ready.gov, with all the latest official signs to be used in case of a terrorist attack. As a public service, The Wittenburg Door is publishing the signs along with a translation of what each sign is instructing us to do.

Here are some of my favs:

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Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile.

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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool design for a new tattoo.

 

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If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

 

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If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

 

 

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Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in common. Think about it.

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If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

 

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We always thought there was something wrong with Texans.

 

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Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

 

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After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

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YEO: “Knock, knock.”

Me: “Who’s there?”

YEO: “Banana.”

Me: “Banana who?”

YEO: “Banana I didn’t know there was hair on my butt.”

Admittedly, I laughed out loud.  I was ready for a knock-knock joke that was meaningless and quite unfunny.  I was ready to dole out the ‘courtesy laugh’ that I have done so many times before in response to my daughters knock-knock jokes.  But this one was special.  What more could you ask for?  Butt, hair and banana all wrapped up in the punchline. Classic.

Well played, YEO, well played.

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