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Archive for the ‘mouths of babes’ Category

The Elder Extroverted Holy One, the Young Extroverted One and I watched ‘Dexter’s Laboratory‘ last night. In one episode Dexter was on Mars and the YEO noticed how far Dexter and DeeDee were flying through the air when they jumped.

YEO asks, “Why are they flying?”

EEHO answers, “Because there is less gravity on Mars.”

YEO, “What’s gravity?”

EEHO, “It’s what’s holding us onto the earth.”

YEO, “I don’t like gravity.” (Wherein I wanted to geek out and say, “But it’s the law.”)

Well said, YEO, well said. . .

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Highland Brewing Co.

“Why is God playing the bagpipes?” — Young Extroverted One looking at my Highland Brewing Company pint glass filled with Gaelic Ale.

I notice she didn’t mention anything about God drinking beer . . .

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This was from a conversation we had while we were at our church’s family retreat on 9/15/2007.

Young Extroverted One:  “Dad, I’m happy I’m a girl.”

Me:  “Oh yeah? Why?”

YEO:  “Because girls have babies.”

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Elder Extroverted Holy One:  “Does daddy have a baby in his tummy?”

Young Extroverted One: “No silly.  Boys can’t have babies.  He has a beer baby.”

The EEHO and I like to compare belly size.  She has challenged me to lose my gut when she loses hers.  The cool thing about the loss of my gut is it won’t be poopin’ in diapers and crying in the middle of the night.

Or maybe it will be me after detox.

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I felt that I had something in my eye so I was looking in the bathroom mirror as the Young Extroverted One was . . . um . . . sitting on the throne (it’s a long story that involves brown recluses that we share our home with and some other insecurities that we are still trying to work out).

I randomly said, “YEO what would you do if my eyeball popped out?”

To which she responded, “I would freak out!”

I was kind of hoping she’d say something like, “I would remain ever so calm and pick up your eyeball and put it in a bag of ice (what does one do with a popped-out eyeball?) and call 9-1-1 to save your life.”

Hell, I would freak out too. But don’t tell a potential victim whom you’re about to rescue that you’d freak out. Right?

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YEO: “Knock, knock.”

Me: “Who’s there?”

YEO: “Banana.”

Me: “Banana who?”

YEO: “Banana I didn’t know there was hair on my butt.”

Admittedly, I laughed out loud.  I was ready for a knock-knock joke that was meaningless and quite unfunny.  I was ready to dole out the ‘courtesy laugh’ that I have done so many times before in response to my daughters knock-knock jokes.  But this one was special.  What more could you ask for?  Butt, hair and banana all wrapped up in the punchline. Classic.

Well played, YEO, well played.

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I have hit a dry spell. No inspiration whatsoever. What does one do if one is feeling some mental constipation? I guess I’ll just consult my trusty, dusty, molded-to-my-butt-from-being-in-my-backpocket moleskine to see if I wrote down any thought provoking ideations that have been written down but not yet vomited up here in my little acre of blogsburg

Let’s see here . . . hmmmm . . .

  • two wireless lavalieres in the Acorn Ballroom
  • conference speaker phone in room #423

. . . oh, I guess I use this thing for work related things too.

Here’s something:

I watch a lot of T.V. and movies. Next to hiding up in my little man-nook on my mac it’s another past-time I really enjoy. The only thing it has really done for me is make me a decent teammate on a trivia team. Heck, my brother and I would play a game we called “Vague Movie Reference” where we’d say some vague line from some vague movie and the other would have to guess the film. For example:

“I was like a one-man army, like Charlton Heston in “Omega Man.” You ever see it? Beauty.”

Any guesses?

With all of my productive hours of watching I have become pretty good at spotting actors that have been in many different roles in many different movies or T.V. shows.

“Oh hey! That’s the guy that played the dead body in ‘Law & Order’!” or “Look! She played the girlfriend of Jerry Seinfeld that one time.”

Well, why should I be surprised that, one night, when ‘30 Rock‘ was on the Young Extroverted One yelled out, “Hey! That’s Mister Conductor in my Thomas Movie!” She was referring to Alec Baldwin, of course. She wasn’t even sitting down watching ’30 Rock’ she was walking by the boob-tube on her way to bed. Maybe that useless skill that I have is genetic.

Kids are pretty cool. Well, at least mine is! =)

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